la la la...

I sometimes hear myself literally discerning and actually accepting the advice I give others, long after I've given them.

Weird, huh?

Firstly, my initial denial of how true these advices ( no matter how many times I shall repeat them to others) would surely render me a hypocrite all these while. Hands down.

But just maybe, I needed to see for myself and really believe what I say when I am put in the shoes of both that someone who needs a listening ear, and the one that gives advise.

In times of brokenness, someone may lend you a shoulder to lean on and tell you that these things that cause your heart to ache are temporary. In those times, I find comfort in being able to express my frustration...but truthfully couldn't find that total rest in assurance of things ever becoming better, "just because somebody said so."

And yet, when I wear the shoes of someone's who's overcome brokenness and is giving that same advise to a broken-hearted; I finally believe that there is substance to that advise, that our heart-ache is temporary, we go through the motions of life, we overcome them and the cycle repeats itself.

Which brings down to what I wanted to say next...

I told my friend that if I ever got into something more than a friendship, its going to be hard to not follow through. I told him that one's you start, you draw closer to that special person day by day; through intimacy whether physical and emotional. Your dependency on this person increases, so much so that you feel you "just couldn't live without this person", when in truth you've been surviving a single life for at least 2 decades of your life unknowingly.

And as I said that, at that moment I literally heard myself.

When I said those words, it both served as a reminder that I am a hypocrite; that yes, don't we all want that right person to rock up at our doorstep and sweep us of our feet into a lasting relationship, like as soon as now?!

BUT yet, shouldn't I start trusting my own beliefs? That if I waited for for friendships to remain friendships long enough, and enjoy these moments where it's good to be unattached, and nothing would be regretted not achieved while you're single, then just maybe going into a courtship would then be about time since you've served your single life well...

oh dear, I don't reckon these thoughts of mine are organized. But I hope you do get what I mean...

It's that stupid cheesy saying that sums it up, "Live in the moment".

my first internship.

Wow, my first ever internship in an architectural company. Nervous? DEFINITELY.

Thank God for this opportunity, which I hadn't truly anticipated in the first place. Reasons being that: I am only a first year student, and that my senior had told me that the list of companies I showed her most likely wouldn't be interested in a first year.

And when I had planned to do an internship, everything was only imaginary then. BUT it is so true, when it says in the Bible, that we can make all plans, but it is God that truly decides for us.

Now, apart from acceptance...is practice and performance. Knowing my clumsy self, I'm going to have to go prepared and to learn to cope with the working environment. My boss is a strict lady, so they say...

so...pray that I'll do fine, guys.

my first resume.

I submitted my first, ever resume to a AIDS/HIV organization. They haven't got back to me, hopefully they will. I was surprised they even wanted a resume in the first place, since it was a volunteering application, but then again; considering the amount of care needed for AIDS/HIV, it was probably for the best of intention.

How long more shall I wait...

Twilight...

This was me, explaining to my dad what "Twilight" was all about...

Me: Well yea, they're vampires...only this family is sort of vegetarian. They prey on animals and abstain from sucking human blood.

Dad: What??!! There's no such thing as vegetarian vampires...

So whattt...if the vampire is on a low-fat, low cholesterol diet, then he should only suck blood from skinny people?!

+Hope

I find it so difficult to have some time to myself, the past week being given away to being surrounded by at least one person at ANY time.

It's not that I don't appreciate the company, but I very well know myself. I know that there are so many things that I wish to confess to Him, so many things I wish to just say aloud in my room, and even that space of my room is being taken.

I wish to utter everything on my mind to Him, out aloud. Truth be told, this was the freedom that I truly earned while I was in my room in college.

I know that He knows my heart, before I confess what's been clouding my head. BUT until I truly confess them with my lips can I find that peace of mind that I am truly surrendering the anxieties that I have, and the hope that I have in Him.

It's been difficult, at times having my privacy breached ( and I seriously mean so. ) It's one thing to have someone peek on your conversation windows, and another to have them reiterate them and yet another, for them to comment on what you've said to a 3rd person, totally irrelevant to them in the first place.

I'm sorry, it sometimes feel difficult to stand on my beliefs. It's true, I am a believer in a family of non-believers. BUT I'd like to shed some light unto that fact; that if I am that one person that God's been able to touch in generations of unbelievers, just imagine how much abundance of hope He has in store for the family.

It's going to be amazing, when He does, and now is not the time to lose the hope He's already given.

Remembering to forget...

...its easier for me to want that infatuating feeling to go away, but it just badly won't. I'll admit that I am definitely one hopeless romantic, but I don't want to be.

It will take an active initiative, and that is what I shall do to forget I ever liked you.

No longer will I look forward to seeing you...

This is a promise.

sigh...

I think I found out a little too much. And now that I have, its time to go through that cycle once again. Forget and move on.